Akel Hawa Golden Awards Summer 2009
Akel Hawa d’Or Awards -summer 2009
The summer is here and everything is Hot Hot Hot. These awards are strictly the fruit of their creators vivid imagination, twisted mind and perverted thoughts. In no way are they based on actual merits nor on public polls. If you have Bird Flu, strong allergies, heart problems, diabetes, or high blood pressure refrain from reading further. Be warned this could also be disturbing to your mental health. For all the others enjoy! Without further ado here are the winners for this season:
1- The We Live Under a Rock on Mars award went to the Beit Eddine festival organisers for inviting a zionist Gad Elmaleh to come and mock us in our country!
2- Mariam Nour received the Reddest Tongue award. Lately she has been a bit unfair to her fans though, and the public display of her sexiest organ has become infrequent. Show less books and more flesh woman!
3- The Most Worthless Achievements award went to Maxim Chaaya, who after climbing the Mt. Everest in 2006 risked his life once more to reach the North Pole in 2009. The quest for Big Foot is finally over! Unfortunately, Mr. Big melted before making it to our National Museum. The Loch Ness Monster is next on his agenda, so stay tuned...
4- The Largest Phallus award went the world's tallest tower Burj Dubai, homed in the Sin City of the Golf. We are now starting to understand the reason for that weird grin on the Statue of Liberty’s face!
5- The Wasta award went to the Murex d’Or, its organisers and its jury members collectively. Their award distribution procedure is simply revolutionary: Each candidate is asked to step onto a special scale specifically designed to determine the degree of personal connections and money involved in the nomination. If the preliminary results are unsatisfactory, the candidates get an additional chance but this time with their check books in hand, for the extra pounds needed.
It’s worth noting that the Miss Lebanon Pageant was first runner up for this Wasta award. They have an equally sophisticated scale to properly assess the candidates’ beauty.
6- The Sexiest Butt in Speedos award went Mohammad Bannout, 7th Position IFBB Iron man Pro 2009. He came in last on the bulge competition though. His manhood has enormously shrunk because of all those pills and chemicals he gobbles up. His mojo is now fully localised in his derriere. J-LO, watch out, your bosom is losing face!
7- Malek Maktabi was dethroned this season by Ghada Eid, who received The Gerges Springer Show award. Pretty soon, she will start hitting the bell for her guests to mud wrestle!
8- The Bandora award, our version of the Tomato award, formerly known as the Let’s Make a Cheap, Cheesy, Unwatchable Movie and Make a Quick Buck Out of it Award, went to the movie Dokan Shehata , featuring Haifa Wehbe. As long as Haifa is sexy and hot, book us front row seats. Even if this means having to put up with a messy Egyptian scenario, lousy filming and terrible editing, not to mention the dreadful acting.
9- The Worst Music Video award was granted to Funky Arabs or like we like to call it “1001 nights in a brothel”. Free sex for all, everyone!
10- The No One Is Buying This award goes to music sensation Moudy. He has everything to succeed in today’s music industry: A disastrous voice, horrible songs, and ridiculous videos. A Lethal combination we tell you! There is no way he could go wrong! This super hunky “thing” is so macho and butch that all women want to be him and all men want to be with him. Oh wait, we might have gotten this the wrong way. Oh well, you got the idea... We are looking forward to his next video where we are told he will ditch the girl models and ask Chadi Khalifeh , Joe Maalouf and Rodolph Hilal from Jaras TV to belly dance behind him instead. Yep, that should be cool. Go Moudy!
Ok we are out of awards but what the heck here is a bonus award:
The All in One Drag Queen award went to the most extravagant Artist to ever appear on the Arabic scene, Bassem Feghali. Pay for one celebrity and get them all! He is simply hilarious and overly flamboyant, it’s quite refreshing.
Well that about ends our little hallucination. Hope you had fun. See you next season!
This Article was prepared by Fanoos.com
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